I have always loved autumn. It is one of my absolute favorite seasons. In fact, I love it so much, I named my daughter Autumn in honor of this glorious season. Despite my intense love for autumn, the launch of autumn this year has not been pretty. I can truly say it has been devastating and one of the most challenging times I have ever had to go through.
The very first week, I miscarried baby #3. In my blog post announcing the miscarriage, I stating it only took 5 days for the miscarriage to pass. This was false, or rather, it was correct at the time that I wrote the article. It has taken an entire month to completely miscarry. I will go through periods of no bleeding, bleeding, pain, tears, what feels like labor, what feels like menopause, cravings, lack of appetite, and so many other things that I can’t list them all. It has been a nightmare. I have been assured by medical professionals that this is all normal when your miscarry as far along as I did (14 weeks). The nightmarish part has been going to bed thinking that it is all over with and that I can finally begin to move on, to only wake up and find that it is still going on. The constant reminder that I will never be able to hold my baby is too much for me to process most days. And yet, somehow, I’m still going.
Three days after I first began with the miscarriage process, my husband lost his job. We had known, somewhat, that this day would come, but we had been under the assumption that he would have his job until at least February. Losing it in October, plus the added stress of losing our baby, was too much to process in one week. I think both my husband and I just shut down for a little bit that week. We went through the motions of caring for our children, the house, etc., but on the inside, we were chaos.
I immediately set out to try to find as much freelance work as I could to make up for the lost income. Since my husband was the primary income earner, this hit me hard. My earnings had always been our savings/fun money, so I had never focused too much on bringing in large sums of money, or keeping several clients for that matter. Soon, I started working well over 40 hours a week (more like 60), while miscarrying, while trying to maintain some level of sanity. During this time, my husband was having to adjust to being a stay-at-home dad. Needless to say, the house was quite the mess and the kids were pretty grumpy with us during this time.
To conclude the month, my husband, daughter, and I all managed to get food poisoning. It has been brutal. We’re treating it at home, and so far, it has been going well. Autumn appears to be in the clear and healed, but Eric and I are still pretty weak. Thankfully, our son managed to not get it, but he’s been pretty picky about eating lately, so that could explain how he managed to evade this terrible funk.
Despite all that has happened, I am optimistic about the rest of autumn, and the rest of the year for that matter. I am certainly ready for this horrible month to be over with, but I can also appreciate what I have learned about myself and my family during this trying month.
I have learned that the Newcomb family is one resilient group of hard-headed people who refuses to allow shit (figuratively and literally) to knock them down. I also learned that I am somehow able to survive on little sleep, little food, lots of work, and little pay. I’ve also learned that I have some really cool kids who somehow know the exact moments that I need a hug or a kiss. I’ve also learned that my kids can be real butt heads when my patience is thin. And lastly, I’ve learned that my husband and I can make it through anything.
I despise what my family and I have had to go through to grow to this new level that we have achieved, but I am also accepting of the fact that in order to grow, one must encounter pain and loss. It is a natural cycle in this crazy system we call life, but I know that somehow, all of this will prove to have been what we needed in order to achieve the next step in our lives.