Things have been really rocky for me that last few months. Since losing Baby Arthur, I just haven’t been myself. Lately I’ve been absorbed with work, I’ve been doing the bare minimum to maintain myself and the house, but worst of all, I’ve been avoiding my husband.
In some ways, I’ve felt like a failure for the miscarriage, and I’ve felt like that’s what Viking Man would view me as. Deep down, I know better than to think that way, but as emotions and hormones swell, those are the thoughts that have been coming to mind.
Recently, Viking Man and I got into a huge argument. We never get into arguments, so this was a really big deal. During the argument, I mentioned that I was acting the way I had been because of the baby. His response was, “You lost a baby, I lost a baby and a wife.”. Wow…Talk about hit me like a brick wall. His words seemed so harsh, but they were the wake-up call I needed.
I had been so selfish; thinking of only how I had been feeling after the miscarriage. I had completely skimmed over the fact that he also lost a baby. And he was right, he was slowly losing his wife, too. Since that conversation, I’ve been working on getting out of my rut. I need to heal, I need to move on with my life, and I need to understand what my husband has been feeling.
Things have been much better this week. I’m feeling motivated, confident in myself again, and Viking Man and I are hugging, talking, and loving again. There have been lots and lots of tears shed, but as each tear falls, the wounds slowly begin to heal.
While thinking about all of the healing that’s been going on this week, I began thinking about the many ways that I love and adore my husband. He really is my rock, my solid place, my foundation. He’s been the only one that has been consistently here for me through everything. I love him so. I decided to write down all of the ways that I love and adore him. These are the 10 reasons I came up with for why I adore my husband:
His Paternal Love: I always knew he would be a good father; I just had that vibe about him. That vibe is probably part of the reason why I chose to marry him. From the moment Big A was born, I immediately saw my husband transform. He grew up. He wasn’t the wild and crazy hooligan I first fell in-love with; he became more. We both grew up when we had Big A, and we grew up together. Ever since, he has been a loving and caring father.
He’s the kind of dad that makes sure to not put bananas in Big A’s oatmeal (because he doesn’t like bananas in his oatmeal), but he puts extra in Little a’s, because he knows she likes them like that. He’s the kind of dad that sneaks candy to the kids when I’m not looking. He’s also the kind of dad that I find singing Little a to sleep sometimes when he thinks I’m not nearby to hear him.
His Support of My Career: Viking Man has always been extremely supportive of my passions and my career, even when I haven’t been so kind to myself. There have been numerous times that I have doubted my writing capabilities and wanted to give up, but he has always urged me on. He is always there to silence anyone who tries to say that a freelance writer isn’t a real career. In fact, he tends to go into full detail about how I manage to pay the bills with my “not real career”.
His Spirituality: My husband is a very spiritual man. He has been a practicing shaman for years. When I first met him, I was instantly drawn to his spiritual side. I loved the fact that he meditated regularly and worked closely with the spirits. I was Pagan-curious at the time, so being near him really helped me to open up and explore the craft.
His Hair: I LOVE my husband’s hair. It’s soft, wavy, and always has that “let’s roll around in the hay” look to it. Whenever I feel low, I can usually just cradle his head, inhale the sweet scent of peppermint from his shampoo, and I instantly feel better.
His Awkwardness: My husband is really awkward in his body. I know, that sounds terrible of me! but it’s true, and I love it about him. He always moves as if he’s planning the journey as he goes and really has no idea what his next move will be. He also gets easily distracted. While all of these things frustrate me to no end most days, I also find them very enduring, and very adorable.
His Sense of Self: Viking Man is who he is and he doesn’t really care what others think about him, except for me and maybe his mom – he seems to care what we think – which is pretty adorable.
His Bug Skills: I’m scared to death of pretty much any kind of bug. I can squeal, and my husband knows my “bug squeal”, and he’ll immediately leap to my rescue to come save me from some man-eating ladybug I have discovered in the laundry room.
His Family: My husband really has an awesome family, and now, they’re my family, too. I absolutely adore his grandmother and mother. Honestly, I was actually kind of jealous of him the first time I met them. I wanted to know how a kid could grow up with such an awesome family and turn out to be such a butt head. But then I realized that, despite him being a butt head, he really does have all of the wonderful qualities that his mother and grandmother both posses.
His Eagerness: I’m the type of person who gets bored rather easily. For example, at random, I will sometimes completely rearrange the entire house, even to the point that the bedrooms have been reassigned. My husband is pretty much always eager to jump onto my latest random thing. He’ll help me if he can, or sometimes he’ll tell me that it’s a crazy idea while he’s simultaneously helping me do it. I know my randomness drives him crazy most of the time, but I think he secretly enjoys it.
His Love: Viking Man is the type of person that, no matter what you do, if he loves you, he’ll always love you. He has unconditional love down to an art. I love that about him. I’m the type of person who can hold a grudge, bad. He doesn’t, or at least, not in the same way I do. He promised to love me forever, and no matter how many ups and downs we’ve been through, I’ve never felt like he’s questioned that original promise.
I’m not sure if Viking Man will read any of this, because I honestly have no idea if he reads this little ‘ole blog of mine. But if he does read this, I hope that he gets a little chuckle from all of this. I also hope that he sees just how precious he is to me.
So tell me, what are some things that you adore about your partner?