Bitty A has finally arrived! Okay, he’s actually been here for a few weeks now, but I’ve been so caught up in snuggling my new squish that I haven’t felt like blogging. Can ya blame me?
Anyway, he is perfect, healthy, and an absolute dream. If any baby could heal a broken heart, this rainbow baby is the one to do it, or at least, that’s what he’s done for me. So, without further ado, here is my newest little love’s birth story…
At 4:30am on October 24th, I awoke suddenly to the feeling of water running down my thighs. It was only a lite amount and, for a moment, I thought that I had merely peed myself (because what preggo mama hasn’t?).
I was 43 weeks and 6 days pregnant and had pretty much given up hope that I was ever going to have this baby. In fact, the evening before, my midwife had discussed possible natural induction methods to try within the coming days because she had never had a client go so far over and she was beginning to grow concerned. My fluid levels had begun to drop, so I too was growing concerned, and miserable, and just wanted my baby out.
That night, after my midwife left, I binged on chocolate and had a Once Upon a Time (I love that show!) marathon with Big A to help ease my anxiety of being overdue. Big A and I had stayed up until 1am, which is something I rarely let him do, but he can always sense when I’m stressed, so that was keeping him from sleeping.
After only 3 ½ hours of sleep, I woke up to water running down my legs and a rather intense contraction. I had been having prodromal labor on and off for well over a month now, so waking up to a contraction wasn’t that alarming (I’m very good at denying the obvious, in case you haven’t noticed.).
Of course, this was one of the few nights that Little a had decided to sleep with me. I quickly moved her out of my bed and into the nearby pack n play so that I could change the sheets on the bed. After I moved her and fixed the bed, I decided to clean myself up.
What I found while I was cleaning myself up was what finally convinced me that my little rainbow baby was actually coming.
There was mucus plug everywhere! Yay! I finally lost the damn thing!
As I was cleaning myself up, another contraction hit. This time, it was intense and took my breath away. Okay, I was FINALLY convinced that this was it.
Quickly, I climbed into the shower to help ease the discomfort. While in the shower, another contraction hit me that knocked me down to my hands and knees. The contractions weren’t painful, but they were so intense that they required every bit of focus I had. After the wave of that contraction passed, I called my mom. I asked her to call my midwife and tell her it was time. I could tell with how intense and close together the contractions were, that my little guy would be arriving quickly and I didn’t want to wait until it was too late.
I labored in the shower for about 30 minutes before deciding that I wanted to move to my bedroom. I was so tired and just wanted to rest for a bit. My mom moved Little a back into her room (thankfully the kid sleeps as hard as a rock) while I propped pillows under me so that I could labor on my hands and knees on the bed and still rest. During this time my midwife and her apprentice arrived.
The majority of my laboring happened on my bed. I tried numerous positions to try to see what was most comfortable, but none of them helped. The only positions that actually seemed to help make things progress was being on my hands and knees or wrapping my arms around the apprentice’s neck as I labored sitting up.
As I labored, I felt this wonderful, comforting presence, as if I was surrounded by Wise Women. My midwife, the apprentice, and my mother all worked together to make my labor as comfortable as possible. It felt as if their collective presence tapped into a time of old when women would come together for a birth and make the place magical and sacred. I will never forget that amazing, peaceful feeling.
During labor, I could tell something was different about this baby. It felt like no matter which way I sat or stood or squatted, I was having a hard time laboring. The night before, my midwife had told me his head wasn’t fully engaged, so she didn’t think I would go into labor any time soon. But I continued to trust him and to trust my body. I followed my intuition and moved my hips, changed positions, meditated, whatever I had to do to help him descend.
At around 8:15am, I decided I needed to be in my bathtub ASAP! I felt this huge urge to be in the water and I wasn’t going to be satisfied until I was in it (maybe it’s the Pisces in me?). The tub was filled and I climbed in. By this point, I had already been pushing (naturally) for a few minutes, but with minimal success. Well, the tub helped! As soon as the warm water touched my body, I could feel my baby descend. I began to feel the natural urge to push again.
As his head emerged, I felt something was a little “off”. It felt as if he was stuck, or something. Since I was on my hands and knees in the tub, I placed one of my legs on the side of the tub, to help widen myself. It helped!
I felt that lovely ‘ring of fire’ as my baby’s little head came tumbling out of my body. The midwife’s apprentice muttered to me that Bitty A’s cord was wrapped around his neck as she worked quickly to unwrap it.
All I thought about during this time was that this would probably be the last time I would be doing this — giving birth.
It was such a bittersweet moment and I felt tears welling up. Not only was this my little rainbow baby, a baby conceived after my miscarriage, but he was likely to be my last and I was giving birth without his father there… I was giving birth as a single mom.
It wasn’t at all how I imagined the birth of my final baby playing out, but at that moment I knew that I needed to just let go of all of the fear and pain and bring my little man earth side.
It took several pushes for me to be able to get him out. When he did finally come out, he landed into the apprentice’s hands, because it took every amount of focus I had to get him out that I wasn’t able to catch him myself.
He didn’t come out crying, but he was looking around and was very alert. I immediately brought him up to my chest and held him close. After some vigorous rubbing from the midwife, my little guy finally let out a cry that made me let out a sigh of relief.
My little rainbow was alive, healthy, and finally in my arms.